It's so easy to be frustrated with our maid here, until she opens up on a long rant about how her life is frustrating and people cheat her and have unfair expectations. Then all I feel is guilty about thinking harshly about her, followed by compassion and a desire to help. I wish my compassion was so great that it would be my first reaction, not my second.

She's borrowed some money so that she could relocate to a cheaper house close to friends and family, but those 'friends' are suddenly adding restrictions to her living arrangements and threatening to turn off her electricity if she doesn't give them more income. We try to avoid giving gifts on a regular basis so that she can learn some independence and finance management, but my heart was being tugged as I saw her being taken advantage of by her 'friends'. So I told her that I didn't want her to have to live by candlelight and gave her the equivalent of about $8 for her electricity bill, and her response was quite overwhelming.

It's the Ugly/Beautiful again. The injustice that occurred was ugly, and simply a result of our broken world, but God turned it to an opportunity for a simple physical gift, which became a heartfelt display of love. She cried and hugged me and thanked me so much, as if I was worthy of her praise, but I redirected it and we thanked God together for his goodness!

ALSO, while perusing through Ann Voskamp's blog today (one of the inspirations for this blog) I discovered a yearly challenge to count 1000 gifts. There is a daily topic and a challenge to find 3 things to give thanks for in that topic. I JUST read the one for April 14 a few minutes ago and laughed out loud because a few minutes before that I was in awe of the very thing! Enough vague chatter, the list said "3 things found looking up" and the up is very beautiful tonight!

127. the joy from our maid for receiving the gift of light and electricity
128. the moon is blinding tonight!
129. the clouds make 'out there' look so far away
130. I don't know my constellations here, but it sure looks like there's an upside down Dipper

And when I look up into the Heavens, my heart says "not this, but the Maker of this"

It's been over a month since my last post and you probably thought I fell of the earth. To be honest, I've hit a few "tired of this country" moments in the past few weeks and I've been haunted by the feeling that I should "write a blog post" but I just haven't felt like it, so I put it off.

That's a bit ironic though because that's the reason I started this blog. I knew I would constant reminders to seek joy in the mundane and praise God for the frustrating, but my sinful nature just "didn't feel like it". I guess that's why thanksgiving is a discipline. I'm learning a new appreciation for that word.

Today was another day where I was frustrated by Africa: my computer is malfunctioning because it's too dusty, my brain is malfunctioning because it's too hot out, etcetera etcetera. So, after church I poured myself some juice, turned up the music, closed my door and painted for 4 hours. I had all colours of paint and papers sprawled across my floor, and while I sat in the middle of organized mess I communed with God. These are things I've put off thanking God for:

108. sunbirds
109. paint
110. messes
111. music
112. humming
113. working outdoors and sweating
114. a fresh, inviting sandbox (I cleaned out the pebbles and weeds because we have kids moving in soon!)
115. those crazy birds that go HAAAHAAAA. I like to laugh back at them.
116. girls in plaid uniforms skipping at school
117. t-shirt labels in the wrong context (the African with the "kiss me I'm Dutch" shirt made my day!)
118. Nutella
119. rain. I love rain for SO many reasons!
120. thunder
121. Tom! My favourite boda boda driver who teaches me Luganda
122. our maid, and the way she constantly challenges me to serve, to be humble, and to be patient
123. seeing my plants grow
124. seeing red, pink, purple, white, and yellow blooming from green
125. Scrabble
126. photographs

To name a few.

Last weekend I put into practice 1 Thessalonians 2:8 "Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well."

I went to the campus pool with two friends and helped teach them how to swim. One girl was a beginner and to the other one swimming was a completely foreign concept! One of the things that I love about children is watching them learn and discover new things and to see their first reactions, but seeing that discovery in a twenty-something year old brought me so much joy! A little bit of fear mixed with curiosity and desire to learn. She jumped in the water and immediately said "Wooaa! It's pushing me up!"

I'd never considered swimming with the words she used to describe it. Seeing this new perspective was quite delightful! These are the things that reveal to me God's goodness.

104. adults discovering new things
105. delight on Clare's face. "It's pushing me up!"
106. floating with friends and feeling timeless
107. sharing life with others

I've mentioned dichotomies before, seeing the Ugly-come-Beautiful and being thankful when I have things and when I don't have those same things. I'm discovering a new dichotomy, two things contradictory yet co-existing, that is, eagerly desiring Heaven yet begging God to prolong it's coming.

Our small group is going through a study on Heaven and we are exploring the hints given in the Bible and stretching our imaginations to attempt to comprehend what Heaven is like. Randy Alcorn, the author of the book we're going through, describes an experience similar to my own where he snorkeled in the ocean and witnessed sights, colours, and creatures beyond imagination that caused him to audibly gasp. This must be what Heaven is like! These moments on earth that fill us with wonder and take our breath away are glimpses f the creativity, the joyful excess, and extravagance of God. How much greater will Heaven be? C.S. Lewis describes the physical fruit of Paradise in his Narnia novels. Think of the juiciest, most delightful fruit you can imagine, now multiply it's goodness tenfold, one hundredfold, and still the fruit in Heaven is more delectable! I am so thankful for the good things God gives us here because they show me God's extravagance and cause me to yearn all the more for His eternal presence in Heaven. Lord haste the day!

But I wonder, if that day were today, how many people would be lost? How many people are in the process of discovering Jesus, but haven't yet? How many people sit at coffee shops with Christians and struggle through theology or questions about life? How many people think they are saved but are so far from the truth? How many people are still rough soil, waiting to be softened, waiting for the initial seed to be planted? I'm safe and sound in the life boat, but don't pull us up yet, there are more still swimming! Lord, wait!

And then it makes sense. Lord, why don't you just come back now and bring us all to Heaven? Why? Because You are Sovereign, and you are patient. Oh God, are you patient! God is long-suffering, because His love is so immense. He gently waits for me and turns me around when I go the wrong direction, and He does the same for all his children. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9).

Wow. Lord haste the day that my faith shall be sight, yet, thank you for your patience! Use me to bring people to You. Use me to haste the day by helping complete that list in the Book of Life.

85. creativity and design!
86. blue star fish
87. immenseness of oceans
88. coral
89. the ability to swim
90. devices and tools that allow us to explore underwater
91. the emotion of astonishment
92. those "gasp" moments
93. mangoes
94. Ugandan pineapple
95. Kiwis!
96. imagination
97. God's sovereignty
98. spell check
99. dictionary.com
100. God's patience, His long-suffering for us
101. dalmatians. just thought of that one, they are quite beautiful and unique..
102. God's grace in using broken vessels to work for His Kingdom
103. that God even saves any of us! wow! For He might not have.

"And the twelve were with him" (Luke 8:1b).

I rediscovered the beauty of being. I am eternally gratefully that God is a gracious God. The gift of life that we have comes at a price that has already been paid. God did it for us. All other religions are about doing, you must follows such and such a law, achieve such and such level of goodness. But God has set the bar of goodness and we all fall terribly short. In fact, a lifetime of doing good things could never bring us from the bottom rung to the top. And that's the beauty of grace. We can't do it, so He did. He did. He bridged the gap, He did the deed we could not do. So we've got to stop trying to do, it's been done!

God calls us not to do, but to be. To be with Him. He calls us to abide in Him. To live closely and intimately with Him, to love Him and rest in Him. And that is a beautiful thing!

The twelve were with him. They followed him and watched his every move. They spent time with him and learned his character and learned his heart. He didn't give them a manual of instructions or rules to follow, He simply allowed them to be close to him. And He models how we should love others, how we should minister to others. There's no list to follow, of tactics and right words to use, we ought simply to be with people, to share our lives with people, our time, our laughs, our tears. Be with Him. Be with them.  

These are the things, the simple, not so mysterious, ordinary, yet extraordinary things that bring us joy as we revel in God's presence.

81. tea with a friend
82. making dinner with a friend
83. whispers of love between the covers of a Bible
84. closed eyes with African voices bringing melody to their Maker

A few scattered thoughts today, but that's ok. In fact, if I'm thanking God for everything, I should expect to have a variety of things on my mind.

I cut my finger with a sharp knife today, just barely, and at first I didn't think anything of it, until I intentionally sought things to give thanks for. Then I considered, "how do I give thanks for this pain?" But it reminded me of Jesus' pain, blood, and sacrifice for me. A simple accident on my part leading to a reminder of the greatest display of love in all of history! And then I considered science, and God's creativity and ingenuity. Wow! He designed our cells to heal themselves, what grace, after all he might not have.

70. Christ's unfathomable love
71. freedom from pain
72. self-healing bodies
73. ten fingers

Later tonight we joined our usual international community for Bible study and a few things gave me cause for thanks.

74. the simple reminder that "Jesus is right here, right now"
75. the simple truth that life is hard, but that we have help. "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33)
76. wrinkles beside closed eyes on a smiling, joy-filled face
77. wisdom that comes from those who've walked there before

Also, thank you God for:
78. stairs
79. my uncomfy foam bed that's the comfiest thing in the world when I'm tired
80. glasses!

As I traveled through Spain in the last few weeks I experienced a lot of new flavours, in food, but also in people. I was invited to join some meal times with newly-made friends and discovered that the culture in Spain is rich in love for family and friends. I found it interesting that most parents wait until their 30's or 40's to have kids and some wait decades between having kids. I met a 7-yr old girl who had brothers in their 30's, and whose dad was in his 60's, such neat dynamics! After staying with some locals in the mountains for a few days these are the things that tickled me with joy and filled me with a love for God's creation:

45. fresh-picked oranges
46. homemade raisins
47. snow and cactus, orange trees, palm trees and pine trees, all in the same view!
48. laughter between elderly parents and young kids
49. children's knack for learning (the 8-yr-olds were fluent in Spanish and English!)

I moved on to different locations a few times and met fascinating people on the bus and on the streets. The towns I visited have a high population of British folks as well as Spanish, and I am always delighted to converse with the English, I feel that my IQ and vocabulary elevates. Not only is there variety in people groups and vegetation, but in landscape too. These are the things that implore me to give thanks:

50. the ease of transition from stranger to friend
51. long conversations rich with knowledge of culture and history
52. vibrant, expressive vocabulary!
53. mountains and the sea in the same view
54. all four seasons felt in one week
55. kinder surprise eggs

The first full day of our relax-refresh-rejuvenate conference imbedded an extended time with God into the schedule, and I reveled in it. Not only did I enjoy my date with God, but I witnessed others enjoying their dates with the Father. Sitting on the beach and "dining" with my Lover, these are the things He gives, the good gifts of a loving Dad:

56. fresh air. fresh wind. fresh temperature. refreshed soul
57. lovers holding hands on the beach
58. sunlight on my face
59. girls swinging in a hammock
60. the art of photography- watching others capture God's gifts
61. beach glass- sharp edges buffeted smooth
62. the sea. the waves. the splashes. the gentleness. the power.
63. an older lady singing in Spanish in the distance
64. circles- wholeness, completeness, a reminder of God's never ending love
65. mandarin oranges
66. bird in a nest- protecting her young under feathers as the Bible says God does for us
67. a man fishing
68. a sparrow on the fencepost
69. kids throwing rocks into the sea

To name a few.

Now it's certainly been a while since my last post, my teammates and I just returned from two weeks out of the country. We traveled separately in Spain and came together for a conference, and spent almost two full days in Istanbul, Turkey during layovers, and BOY do I have a lot to share. I'll keep it to one thought for now though.

I've been trying hard not to focus on the things we don't have here in Uganda, but to be thankful for what we do have, and in going to Spain I felt a little guilty for being thankful for so many things. But the more I practice thanksgiving, the more I realize it IS possible to "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thess 5:12) and the more I uncover "the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" (Phil 4:12). And, like Paul, I'm noticing the dichotomy and realizing that all is gift.Whether I miss marshmallows and chocolate chips or have marshmallows and chocolate chips, God is still good.

Our lights have been out for a few days in our house in Kampala and we've only just got it fixed. Occasionally in Uganda our power shuts of completely for a few hours at a time, and like death, it's always at an inconvenient time according to a human perspective. But, while I am so thankful for lights and power, I discovered that I am also thankful for the tranquility that comes from a candlelit house, and I'm thankful for being prevented from internet distractions and 'forced' to read books and accomplish physical work. Here are some more dichotomous examples from the past few weeks:

35. lights
36. lights out, candlelit house
37. internet capabilities
38. poor internet which allows me to spend more time reading and being with people
39. snow! the coolness and freshness of the atmosphere in the Spanish mountains
40. warmth! I actually yearned for Kampala's weather after a few chilly days in Spain
41. physically blending in to a culture
42. physically standing out
43. taking a break from Uganda, stepping aside and taking a breather
44. returning to Uganda! I am excited! My vision renewed and my heart refueled and ready to love again!

To name a few.

It's been a full week since last I posted. Am I really that blind to the good things God gives? Am I really that lazy not to take time to appreciate the daily reminders of his love? Am I really that stubborn that I would rather be frustrated at my surroundings than take time to thank God for the tough things?

In her book One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp says "We don't have to change what we see. Only the way we see." She also talks about a paradox of ugly and beautiful. When my eyes see "ugly" my heart reminds me that God is the Maker of all things and that "Every good good and perfect gift if from above" (James 1:17). And when I give thanks for the ugly, God transforms it. He transforms me and opens my eyes to see the beautiful.

I am thankful that I'm imperfect.
If I were perfect, life would be bliss, wonderful bliss, but would it be dynamic? As a flawed person I get the privilege of becoming more like God, of experiencing His love in increasing measure. I know everything will be perfect in Heaven, and I'm not saying I won't be grateful when that day comes, nor that heaven won't be dynamic, but I'm beginning to love God's plan for sanctification in this world. I love that I have potential to grow more into the likeness of Christ.

"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means!" We shall recognize our sin and turn from it and turn toward Love and Holiness.

Sometimes transforming the ugly to beautiful is hard. I need to want to see the world with God's eyes, and I need to want transformation. Today I did what I've been putting off for a while, because it's hard. I've been having a hard time trusting that God put me on this team for his glory. I don't always connect well with my teammates, and I don't always feel "spurred on to love and good deeds" (Hebrews 10:25). Our relationship can certainly look ugly at times.

So I sat and started writing down all the things I'm thankful for about my team. I need to want transformation. To be honest, it was hard at first, but it got easier and I transitioned from writing single attributes to writing a letter to each of my teammates. I do love them. They are God's beloved, how could I treat them any differently? They are beautiful and have a lot of godly attributes, even some that I can learn from. God also revealed sin in my life, mainly stubborness and pride that has prevented me from genuinely thanking him for my team in the past.

“beauty as that which being seen, pleases” -Thomas Aquinas

“And if all the work of transfiguring the ugly into the beautiful pleases God... is there anything in this world that is truly ugly?” -Ann V

26. Julie
27. Bim
28. disagreements
29. my imperfection
30. God's gentle correction
31. God's transforming power
32. coloured pens
33. the power of kind words
34. ice cubes (I do still live in Africa...) 

Had a wonderful evening with the YWAM ladies, providing a little love and getting a lot in return! And I got to thinking, I'm really thankful for memories. How many animal species have memories? Some can recognize because they remember each other, but how many can remember specific events, events that brought joy or laughter? On that note, how many other creatures actually experience joy and laughter the way we do? None, I think!

My former camp coworker and very good friend of mine was one of these ladies, and we had a lot of laughter tonight, singing silly songs and reminiscing with great stories, and I am so thankful for that! But even more than that was the joy that came from connecting with new people, creating new stories filled with laughter that will certainly be reflected upon in the future!

And last but not least, due to our late night out, we drove back through town at a later-than-usual hour and experienced minimal traffic! The true gift in this, for me at least, was that there were no other vehicles to fill the air with smog and for the first time in Kampala I smelled purple! At least, I think it was purple, nonetheless it was a wonderful end to a day, smelling those flowers was God's little wink reminding me that His gifts are infinite.

21. Memories of good times
22. Variety in personalities, a.k.a. God's creativity
23. Giggles.
24.  Safety on dark roads without street lights
25. Clean air and the smell of purple

It's days like this that I'm really thankful for wise friends with listening ears and godly advice. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says to give thanks in all circumstances, but how often are we willing to do that? How often am I willing to give thanks for the things that frustrate me, even for my own shortcomings and failures?

Though, that makes me ponder. I see that am far from perfect, I get frustrated at people and at situations and sometimes I'm to blame. But there I also see potential. I have the glorious opportunity to learn more about Christ and to become more like him, become better.

When I view my weaknesses as potential, as opportunities for God's strength to take effect, I pull up my bootstraps and, by his strength, I press on. And for that I am thankful. I've discovered a few gifts today.

16. a friend who is not unable to sympathize
17. wisdom
18. a Friend who is not unable to sympathize (Hebrews 4:15)
19. skype
20. infinite potential to know more of God

As I was sitting around the house doing work today I got to thinking about today's gifts. Why is today special? What do I have that others don't have and that I easily could not have? Here's a few things I thought of:

12. a hot water shower
13. crispy olliebollen and the ability to carry on traditions a world away
14. the feel of grass on bare feet
15. laughter of friends

As human beings we're often obsessed with ourselves. How can I get the most happiness? What can I do to feel most joy? Well, today I was reminded that one of the things that gives me the most joy is seeing it in others.

Today I met up with Britt, a friend from home, who is heading up a team of girls for ministry in Kampala area. I remember being in this country for the first time and feeling wonder and curiosity, but today I relived it all watching those girls see wonder everywhere they looked! The motocycles, the pop in the stores, every little thing! These are the things that remind me of God's smile.

9. giddiness and wonder in the eyes of others
10. solid hugs
11. energetic young people flying miles away from home in order to spread a little love

As we gear up for the new year each and every one of us can look back to the year that just past and point out what we are thankful for. And how many things are your list? Five? Twelve? Thirty? Is that all? There were 365 days last year, there's three hundred sixty-five things already! I hope I have more than that to be thankful for at the end of this year!

So what are the gifts in today? Today is a gift. I woke up in a safe place, among friends, and proceeded to breathe air for the hours that followed. The temperature is a gift! It's the third day in a row that it has been 18 degrees out. After the unrelenting heat of our days here so far, this “cool” weather has been quite the treat. Also, a few weeks back I got a Christmas delivery from my family. This may seem trite, but I am so thankful for the peppermint chapstick I got! It reminds me of home and the “smells of Christmas” that I took a hiatus from this year. What else?

1. Today
2. Cool temperature
3. Easy access to all the ingredients needed to make pancakes
4. Pancakes!
5. Spontaneous and uncontrollable laughter.
6. A comfy chair and a good book.
7. Peppermint chapstick
8. Butterflies on the bushes